Welcome to Out of Eden. This is an attempt to document my journey through religious deconstruction starting on day one. Join me, Sam Morse, as I attempt to finally figure out what I believe in by asking the difficult questions regarding my childhood fundamentalist Christian faith. Listen as I wander the no-mans-land that is agnostic uncertainty.

Time for a "Bird of Sorrow"

Time for a "Bird of Sorrow"

Time for a "Bird of Sorrow"

Music by Glen Hansard

Blog Post by Sam Morse

The high point of my weekend was having second degree burns on both my hands. Yes, this is how I am starting this blog post. I am a big believer that I must try the best I can to find the silver lining or hidden blessing in this mangled metacarpal mess that is my current situation. Even writing this is actually quite challenging and slightly painful, but the moment of inspiration cannot be ignored...also Advil helps.

The one thing I’ve gained, thanks to this small injury in a crucial day to day task body part, is time. Time to reflect on how much I need to improve my cooking skills? Yes. Time also to simply sit and enjoy some of my favorite leisure activities, which include listening to music and reading. My literature category choices for this week was from a personal favorite which I lovingly call “lazy brain”. I wanted an "Indiana Jones" type adventure that would be making me flip the pages so quickly that I might forget unimportant activities such as eating, sleeping, and bandage changes. Trust me I found a great choice. I shall omit the authors name from these pages, however, as to not incriminate my lack of literary pallet...but let’s just say, Leonardo da Vinci  could not even break this code (Yes literary community, I am part of the problem). This is, however, not the artistic medium which inspired this blog post. On this 6th day post injury, I felt so much better that I decided to put in my earphones in and cheerfully clean the house (words I rarely ever say except through sheer boredom). Admittedly most of the mess in the house was caused by the slob with two incapacitated hands but I digress. I was taking this unexpected gift of time and really listening to the songs shuffled to me one by one.

I was shockingly surprised at how few of these tracks I had given the time deserved to appreciate the complex emotions, talent, and story of their individual composers. I have a horrible habit of allowing the chaos and confusion of life to distract me from the magic that is time to focus on what we love. I can go years of enjoying something meaningful in my life on a subconscious level, without truly appreciating and understanding, on a deeply personal level, why it is meaningful to me. This fault spreads much further past songs on my iPhone...trust me. I have allowed the confusion and fear of life's chaos to leave me unfocused and internally chaotic for far too long.  I am sure many out there have allowed the same burdens to influence their focus and peace.

So, the playlist ends up on one of my favorite artists and songs. I have listened to this song most likely hundreds of times. I can even sing along accurately (not road trip accuracy). "Bird of Sorrow" by Glen Hansard, is a deeply emotional acoustic song by an incredibly talented (Oscar award winning) Irish musician. When the track started I was putting dishes away, focused on the chores with which I was finally able to be of help and I was overwhelmed with this desire to sit down and listen to the lyrics. It upsets me slightly to not have realized how powerful these words were to me on a personal level. Then once I really started to appreciate the moment I gladly allowed myself to believe that maybe…just maybe…the song was waiting for the right moment to really speak to me.

I have no idea if it was God speaking to me or, more scientifically, it’s my complex brain connecting to something so genuinely emotionally raw that the words and emotions seeped into me like cleansing water. Glen Hansard hits such beautifully imperfect notes to end of the song that I find myself singing them with such an unabashed sense of relief; of which I am still grappling to find its origin. I wanted to share this song because of the power of the positive energy that it gave me. More often in my day to day life, I truly want to share the things that make my present moments better in the hope that it may help someone else in a similar circumstance. It absolutely made my day and gave me a deep sense of peace. I have attached a link to the song and I would encourage you to listen. If you don’t have the time (or perhaps this isn’t the kind of music you love) please read the lyrics below because it is incredibly inspirational poetry. I pray that more often I choose to seek (and find) more love in my life and that I choose to cherish those close to me. Those of which I care most about in this chaotic world. May I receive the blessing of time to seek, find and appreciate the love woven in the messy tapestry of life…even if that time is not on my terms. Love is going to find me...so I better be ready then.

Even if a day feels too long
You feel like you can't wait another one
You're slowly givin' up on everything
Love is gonna find you again
 
Love is gonna find you, you better be ready then
 
You been kneelin' in the dark for far too long
You've been waitin' for that spark, but it hasn't come
Well I'm callin' to you, please, get off the floor
A good heart will find you again
 
A good heart will find you, just be ready then
 
Tethered to a bird of sorrow
A voice that's buried in the hollow
You've given over to self-deceivin'
Your prostrate, bowed, but not believin’
You've squandered more than you could borrow
You've bet your joys on all tomorrows
For the hope of some returnin'
While everything around just burnin'
 
Come on, we gotta get out, get out of this mess we made
And still for all our talk, we're both so afraid
Will we leave this up to chance, like we do everything?
Love is gonna find us again
 
Love is gonna find us, we gotta be ready then
 
Tethered to a bird of sorrow
A voice that's buried in the hollow
You've given over to self-deceivin'
Your prostrate, bowed, but not believin’
You've squandered more than you could borrow
You've bet your joys on all tomorrows
For the hope of some returnin'
While everything around you's burnin'
 
But I'm not leavin' you yet
I'm not leavin' you yet
I'm not leavin'
I'm not leavin', yeah, yeah
I'm not leavin'
I'm not leavin', yeah, yeah
I'm hangin' on
Hangin' on
What's gonna come?
I'm hangin' on now
Hangin' on, hangin' on, hangin' on
Hangin' on, hangin' on, hangin' on
 
With the faithful
With the faithful
I'm hangin' on
What's gonna come?
What's gonna come?
Hangin' on
Hangin' on
Hope in the Stars

Hope in the Stars

Cafeteria Living: Faith

Cafeteria Living: Faith